The Second Opinion

Jessica Biel: Sexiest Woman Alive (???)

I see that Esquire magazine has named Jessica Biel as the sexiest woman alive.

Either I am totally out of step with the rest of American men when it comes to judging female pulchritude, or the editors at Esquire need new glasses.  Jessica Biel is certainly an attractive woman in an athletic, girl-next-door sort of way.  But the sexiest woman alive???  I don't think so.

Since the '70s when Twiggy started to set an awful standard for 'sexiness' in women, the judgement of Hollywood casting directors and New York fashion photographers has really gone downhill.  The lush, curvy, voluptuous look of such women as Marilyn Monroe, Raquel Welch, Lana Turner, and Rita Hayworth has been thrown completely out the window.  They'd be considered 'fat' by today's idiotic standards.  Instead, we men are fed a steady diet of women who are so skinny that we can count every vertebrae in their backbones and play the xylophone on their ribs.  To compensate, they get a plastic surgeon to shove a few pounds of silicone under their chests and then dress in next to nothing or even strip 'em down and let us see the whole package.

An example: the other day when I was home for lunch, I saw part of "The Devil's Advocate".  If you haven't seen it, there's a scene near the end where the devil (Al Pacino) is trying to bring lawyer Keanu Reeves over to the dark side.  The devil's beautiful minion (Connie Nielsen) slowly and sensuously undresses to seduce Reeves.  Now, I happen to think that Connie Nielsen is a lovely woman.  But if I had been Reeves, I would have looked at old nick and said, "Look, if you're trying to tempt me into giving up my soul, you're going to have to do better than this!"  Nielsen was so skinny that I was turned OFF.  Ick.

Another example: In the movie "Euro Trip", Michelle Trachtenberg is shown in a bikini.  She's a pretty girl, but way to skinny to really be appealing without her clothes on.

In fact, as much as I generally admire the unclad female form, 'sexiness' is as much a matter of dress, deportment, and attitude as it is physical charms.  In the movie "Tombstone", Dana Delaney is 'sexy' despite wearing those all-covering 19th century dresses in almost every scene.  Carroll Baker was red-hot in "The Carpetbaggers" despite wearing clothes in most scenes that would practically be suitable for church these days.  And you ain't SEEN sexy until you've watched Joy Harmon wash her car in "Cool Hand Luke".

Sigh...

I guess I was just born a few decades too late.  Oh, well; at least Playboy still seems to (more or less) 'get it'.

Sorry, honey. I can't hear you. Heh-heh.

(hat tip: 45-caliber Justice)

WARNING: Gross male chauvinism follows.

Men, science has come to our aid again.  Yes, the same wonderful pursuit of knowledge that brought us the miniskirt, Playboy, the remote control, and the EZ chair have brought us (drum roll please):

SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT WE REALLY CAN'T HEAR WOMEN WHEN THEY NAG TALK!

Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse -- women's voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other men's, a report said.

The Daily Mail, quoting findings published in the specialist magazine

NeuroImage, said researchers at Sheffield university in northern England discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds.

Men deciphered female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engaged a simpler mechanism, it said.

The Mail quoted researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "The female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural 'melody' in their voices.

"This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice."

The findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices, the report added, as the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice.

Well, shoot, I could have told them THAT!  When we men communicate with each other, we use simple, short forms of communication.

"You see that?"

"Yep.  Cool, huh?"

"F***in'-A."

Sometimes, we can even make our point with just a grunt.  Not so with women:

"Honey, did you see that?  It was so interesting, wasn't it?  My girlfriend was telling me just the other day that she'd seen something like that.  She told me all about it.  Of course, if I'd listened to my mother, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now.  Delores, she said, Delores, he's no good.  How can you expect him ever to amount to anything?  And she was right.  And I wish you'd stop leaving the seat up, and why can't you pick up the kids tomorrow?  Does this make me look fat?"

"Uhhh..."

"Why don't you communicate with me?  It's another woman, isn't it???  You think I'm too old and f-f-fat... WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

So, men, next time your wife or significant other complains that "You never pay any attention to me," tell her that it's all science, baby.  And bring me a beer, huh?

Word of the day: callipygian

callipygian (kal lih PIJ ee un): having shapely buttocks

I was reminded of this word last night while watching an otherwise unsatisfying mystery movie starring Kellie Martin.  There was something odd about her, and as I pondered, it finally came to me.

SHE HAD HIPS!

And, as I looked further, I saw that her thighs and calves were thicker than her knees.  She jiggled pleasantly when she walked.  She was attractive even without being stuffed into spandex, a bikini, lingerie, a cat suit, etc.

Note to Hollyweird: cast more women like her in films and TV shows.

Colonel Eileen Collins, US Astronaut

The shuttle Discovery launched successfully this afternoon.  Good luck and God speed to her crew.

The commander is Colonel Eileen M. Collins, USAF (ret).  I recalled her name because she was the first female shuttle pilot (on the Discovery, STS-63, February 3 - 11, 1995) and the first female shuttle commander (on the Columbia, STS-93, July 22-27, 1999).

There are a couple of reasons that I noted Col. Collins' name.  First, I wondered if she was perhaps the daughter of Apollo 11 astronaut Michael Collins (she isn't).  Second, I'm a sci-fi buff, and the idea of a female spacecraft commander caught my fancy.  Third and most importantly, she demonstrates what I think is REAL feminism: a woman getting ahead NOT because she's a woman, but because she's smart, capable, and determined.  Here's a few snippets from her bio:

Born:

November 19, 1956 at Elmira, NY to James and Rose Collins

Education:

Corning Community College, 1976, AA in mathematics

Syracuse University, 1978, BA in mathematics and economics

Stanford University, 1986, MS in operations research

Webster University, 1989, MA in space systems management

Assistant professor of mathematics, US Air Force Academy, 1986 - 1989

Fligh experience:

Earned pilot license at age of 19

USAF Undergraduate Pilot Training, Vance AFB, 1979

T-38 aircraft instructor

C-141 pilot, commander, and instructor

T-41 instructor

Graduate of USAF Test Pilot school, Edwards AFB, 1990

6280 hours in over thirty different aircraft types

537 hours in space (and counting) on four shuttle missions

Awards and decorations:

Defense Superior Service Medal, Distinguished Flying Cross, Defense Meritorious Service Medal, Air Force Meritorious Service Medal with one oak leaf cluster, Air Force Commendation Medal with one oak leaf cluster, Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal for service in Grenada (Operation Urgent Fury, October 1983), French Legion of Honor, NASA Outstanding Leadership Medal, NASA Space Flight Medals.

Colonel Collins is married with two children.

See what I mean?!

http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/Bios/htmlbios/collins.html

http://www.nasa.gov/vision/space/preparingtravel/rtf_interview_collins.html

Women, love, and sex

Aaron over at Partial Transcripts has a great post about women, love, and sex.

All across the country, girls are increasingly acting out in ways that are contrary to their natures because they have been sold a lie by the radical feminists.

What too many women are doing is acting like whores and sluts in order to entice men to 'love' them.  Dressing in skimpy and suggestive clothing, breast implants, being 'easy'... You know the drill.

I'm no Casanova, but I'd like to pass along the advice Sidney Poitier's character gave his female students in the superb movie "To Sir, With Love":

No man loves a slut for very long.  And only the worst sort of man would actually marry one.

If you want to be treated like a lady, then act like one.